English Joke:謊言之鐘

The Clock

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"
"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Who's clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."


謊言之鐘

希拉里死後去到天堂。在天堂之門，當站在聖彼德面前時，她看到聖彼德身後的一堵大牆上掛滿鐘。
希拉里問：“那些是什麼鐘？”
聖彼德答：“那些是謊言之鐘，人人也有一個。每當人說謊時，鐘的指針就會動。”
希拉里說：“啊，那是誰的鐘？”
“那是德蕾莎修女的。指針從未動過，顯示出她從未說過謊。”
“那個呢？”“那是林肯的。他一生中指針只動過兩次。”
希拉里又問：“克林頓的呢？”
“克林頓的鐘在耶穌的辦公室，耶穌把他的鐘掛在天花板當風扇。”

English Joke: 吝嗇鬼的派對

The mean man’s party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.
Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said,
"Come up to 5A and ring the doorbell with your elbow.
When the door opens, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"


一個有名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要辦一個派對。
他向一位朋友解釋怎樣去他家時說：
“你上五樓A座，然後用你的手肘按門鈴。門開後，再用腳將門推開。”
“為什麼我要用手肘和腳？”
吝嗇鬼答：“喂老友，你不是想空手來吧？”

English Joke ：太早購物

Early shopper

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.
"What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

適逢聖誕節，法官審訊犯人時表現仁慈。
他問：“你為什麼被起訴？”
被告答：“過早購買聖誕節物品。”
“這不算犯法，”法官回應，“你有多早購物？”
犯人應道：“在商店開門之前。”